Multiparenting Cayen & Cayson

On Saturday , we went to the funfair at the Bishan Community Centre. It was a fun experience as they have worked with many volunteers and also some external vendors to set up many games stations where kids can try their hand at different occupations. They pretty much filled out every level of the community centre with stations and it's quite fun as kids can go already earning stamps for trying or each occupation and they get to redeem the stamps for some presents at the end of the day.  I felt quite impressed by the scale of the events as the stations were very fun (from sports on inflatables to robotics and balloon sculpturing) and many of which I have not encountered before at other events. Furthermore, I was a student councillor before and I know that organising such events with limited budget and manpower is no mean feat. Best of all, entrance ticket was merely $5. As such, we had a whale of fun there the entire afternoon. You can check out my Instagram for videos and pictures....

Babies This is super tricky for young babies. Too much nap in the day , they can't sleep at night. Too little nap in the day, they will keep stirring at night too. So for Cayson now who's around 9 months old, he needs around 3-4 hours of day naps to sleep through the night from 7.30pm to 6am. Anything less, he is likely to stir through the night or wake up from 4am onwards.  4 year old Recently Cayen's behaviour has improved leaps and bounds, touchwood I believe the terrible 3 phase is over. We did a lot of things in the last one year -  rewards charts ,  incessant reading of books promoting good behaviour, role play , executive functioning classes and sleeping 1 hour earlier every night.  While there's occasional tantrum flares, usually I notice it's due to missing the day nap , or sleeping too late (past bedtime). As such, my hypothesis is that sleep is one of the key drivers to good behaviour because kids so young need enough sleep. I recall his peak tantrums kin...

As I'm going back to work soon, I decided to accelerate my room spring cleaning process over the last few days. Today, I put on some finishing touches by hanging some photoes using some pretty paper frames and clips. Then, I went to pick Cayen up as usual. Brought him downstairs to ride his bicycle as we were early today. I tried to teach him to use momentum to go up a slope and how to use the brakes while coming down. After we stopped playing for a while, he suddenly told me that he had meetings with Janelle,Alix and some other girls in school. I was quite amused. I decided this was a teaching moment and decided to teach him on how to conduct a meeting. Here's a summary: - we need a chairperson and attendees.  - people who arrive late lose their voting rights  - we need to have an agenda and stick to the timing else people will get bored - we need to minute down stuff in case we forget  - if we are unclear of what we heard, we need to clarify  Wit...

Yesterday was a very rough day for us. In the day , the teacher sent us a picture that Cayen bit a girl and the bite  looked bad. However, the bite didn't exactly look like it's a fresh bite. Also, we understood that the girl had barged towards him. Usually we would have been very apologetic and assumed that Cayen was at fault. However, an incident witnessed in late afternoon changed our perspective. When we arrived to pick Cayen, it was early so we observed him from outside. Then we saw a bunch of guys hitting him with paper and pencils. Teacher looked up briefly and looked down again. The hitting continued . And after a while , when we were about to intervene, teacher shouted for the boys to stop.  Then at home when we were washing Cayen's hair, we saw some glue in his hair. When asked, he said his classmates always put glue in his hair. This was the second time he had said it . The last time he said it, we didn't think too much about it because it might have been acc...

I've been down with flu the past week as the nightly awakenings hence interrupted sleep in the last month have taken a toll on my health, despite my efforts to compensate by sleeping in later.  This week, my helper covered my duties and I slept more regular hours. This also meant that I could send Cayen to school and be awake to play with baby Cayson when he's at his cutest and most vibrant time of day, chuckling and "talking" non-stop.  Not sure if it's by coincidence but Cayen's behaviour in school this week was the best in weeks.  A few things that's different this week:  - I sent him to school personally and would prep talk / role play with him in the car on what to do when his friend wants to play with his toys (correct answers: either ask for a bit more time to play or share the toys) , what to do if someone cuts his queue (right answer: to gently inform person that queue is behind him or just let it go) . These were the common triggers for conflicts...

This is the process after implementing the rewards chart to date :  Day 1 (Tue): he seemed excited , he talked a lot about the dos and don'ts (he even asked Ah Po to cook broccoli , peas and carrot every day so he can earn the veggie stars. However, it's all talk but no action Day 2 and 3: still a slow start but starting to earn the peeing and pooing stars  Day 4: brought him out for dinner to change the diet and hope he's more inspired to eat on his own.  And it succeeded. We had a smooth and fuss free meal of soup , garlic bread, pork chop and fries. Day 5: Ah Pa brought him to universal studio but he didn't understand why he's going so soon because that was supposed to be the reward after earning 30 stars. Well, that's the reason why I was dissuading Ah Pa from choosing that place but Ah Pa wanted to spend some quality time with him and so they went. Good thing was that he was on his best behaviour the whole day. Ate well and did the toilet thing well too.  D...

Time flies and it's one and a half month into my maternity leave. What's keeping me really busy is not the younger old but the older one.  While he has grown a lot more receptive to his younger brother , he has been regressing on other fronts in terms of behaviour i.e. Scratching and biting when things don't go his way or saying "I don't like you", "go away" etc.  Yesterday, the emo Cayen suddenly told Ah Po that he felt that Auntie May (our helper) didn't like him anymore, because she didn't play with him anymore. Well the truth is that May has been helping with the baby the last two weeks so didn't have so much time to play with him. In any case, just like how he treated me, he would scratch her or tell her to go home /go back to Philippines when he didn't get his way. Hence, we told him that he needs to be nicer to her and stop saying those hurtful words else she would stay away from him. Not sure if he has absorbed that but we wer...

Before the arrival of the baby, I had anticipated that his dysfunctional behaviour will re-emerge and (indeed it did) - he would scratch and bite if he doesn't get his way. I think it's because he doesn't know how to manage his emotions very well as yet, so I figure using stories will help since he loves story telling.  Hence, I had gone to Amazon to buy some books that would teach him these concepts since we might not be present when he gets into such conflicts with other kids in school. Also, he's more receptive and attentive during bedtime reading so I suppose those are our best chance to reinforce those concepts instead of pure nagging.  Hence, I had bought a bunch of   books from Amazon and have read half of it so far - he was quite taken with all of them and even asked me why I didn't buy the whole series that he saw on the back of the book i.e. Germs are not for sharing , Tails are not for pulling. I pretended to lament that there's no need to buy since h...

During our time at the hospital , ah Pa continue to bring him to school to make up for not being there during bedtime.  Second night - 1st call  C: ah pa, come back here, come back to 3105. I need you to be here with me. I miss you. I need you to read story book. Ah Pa: mama is not well so I need to stay with her.  C: mama can stay there with baby, you can come back to stay with me. Second night - 2nd call  C: I need you to come home to read story book. Ah Pa: can ah Po read? C: ah Po can only read one Chinese book. I need to read millions of books. Can you come back to read?  Ah Pa: no I cannot .. Need to stay with ah Ma  After the call, Ah Pa said that it's so heartbreaking , maybe he will go home if Cayen calls one more time. Thankfully he didn't so he stayed over at the hospital again.  Apparently , ah Po and auntie May tried to read to him but he dismissed Ah Po saying that her reading was no good. He also chased A...

For all his eloquence since a tender age , he is unable to reliably indicate his desire to go to toilet even till now. Not sure if he's purposely teasing or he still can't do it yet. Initially it was showing early signs of success in his own school (as teacher was trying to teach him) but this took a backseat after he changed school early this year as we had other problems to deal with. Recently, we reactivated our efforts to toilet train him again and basically , he will get two stickers for peeing and ten stickers for pooping. And he has been earning more stickers of late though u nlike other kids, he has shown more success peeing than pooping.  And he usually likes to stand and poop in a specific corner in the living room .. So I am training him to sit and hold on to the table for support and strength instead.  Hope that the days of diapers will be over soon ! 

After sharing his Easter bunnies in school, Cayen has been showing greater ability to share , at least over the past two days.  He got two minion eggs from the Easter egg hunt. At night, he was telling me about it ... "I have two minion eggs. I will give one to Janelle.i must think carefully , I only have two . I must go back to get more eggs, so I can share with everybody. Everybody loves the eggs like me because there's many toys inside the egg."  We met up with Julian and while they didn't exactly play together for very long , but he at least gave an Easter egg to Julian. In fact, he went over to try "save Julian" when ah Pa pointed out that Julian needed saving from the bigger kids. Cayen dragged a mattress across and tried to "ringfence" Julian. Then Caleb and Natalie came to visit. At first he was reluctant to share. But after being reminded of how they shared with him the dolphin in the swimming pool etc, he then started to ...

We were just chilling out last Friday evening for some quick desserts, trying to celebrate the small success of slightly better behaviour from Cayen over the past few days.  However, before my lava cake even arrived, we got a message from teacher again .. This time , we got not one but three pieces of bad news ...  "Dear parents, fyi... the afternoon teachers told me Cayen pulled out the stuffings of our cushions at the reading corner.  He took a scissor with him and he almost cut a friend's leg with a scissor. Lucky, friend was not hurt.  Also, this morning he asked me he wanted to go toilet to wash his hands. So I let him go but I reminded him not to play with water in the sink. He said yes and he looked sincere so I let him go without following him because he seemed to be behaving well lately. So maybe I can trust him this time.  Later, his classmate came all wet and told me Cayen did that to him. I went to check in the toilet and the floor is all wet wi...

After the incident yesterday, I decided to ask him to make a  card for Jayden and give him a snack. Cayen gave the card but he couldn't bear giving him the two Nougats, and he gave one instead.  Also, last time I bought and finished A book "setting limits for a strong willed child", I guess some self help is needed now. I will summarise the findings over the next few days. But in a nutshell, words doesn't mean much unless it's matched by actions. This is because strong willed kids will learn by aggressively testing limits.  Anyway , update from teacher was relatively good today.  "Hi Daddy, good pm. He is quite in a good mood today, so jolly and happy. Quite energetic because he was up and about, moving and running around the music room during music time. On our way back to class after music, he opened the waterhose and let the water flowing. He was already reprimanded before (it's been a while) not to open or play with the waterhose but I guess he has fo...

I was shocked today to receive this message from teacher. This is by far the worst that has happened so far since he bit the teacher on first week of school.  " Dear parents, Cayen peed on Cayden's bag purposely during shower time. I think he got upset with Cayden bacause Laoshi said he was shouting in class and Cayden told him to stop else he will tell the teachers he is shouting. Laoshi was helping the other children to get ready for shower when he saw Cayen happily peeing on Cayden's bag (he was smiling and giggling). He immediately said sorry when he saw Laoshi was going to approach him. He knew what he did was wrong. 😓😓😓 I already washed Cayden's bag but due to the weather, it might not get dry soon. I have to explain to Cayden's parents."  To this , we apologise profusely and volunteered to get a replacement bag but the other parent was understanding enough not to pursue further. We also promised to discipline and counsel him when home.  Teacher agree...

Cayen was up to no good again. He stacked up all the wooden blocks and use some blocks to knock those down. He said he's "hitting the Mosquitoes". (Basically he was trying to simulate the arcade game we played together). Problem is he was knocking the wooden blocks against my glass tv console.  Me: Cayen, stop doing this ! You will break the glass. Cayen continued.  Me: stop it! I'm going to dock 5 of your stickers ! (We have a reward system)  C: no! 3 only !  Me: no! I will dock 7 stickers.  C: no! 3!   Me: no! I will dock 5 stickers.  C: stop bargaining! (He wags his index finger) - this is not good! Don't bargain !  Guess I should have expected this when I first taught him the concept of bargaining when playing the shopkeeper game..

Recently he has been very mischievous , and today he was especially naughty. He poured the Ruyi oil all over the floor and he poured out the toilet cleaning powder and attempted to eat it. That's not to mention him hitting Grandma again despite repeated warnings and even caning.  During bedtime, I decided to try a new tactic. I used his soft toys and seat them in a circle . I said they were his students and he's their teacher and he should teach him all the dos and don't. So I used the toys to ask him if he can pour oil and powder on the floor , what he needs to do when he's done with a meal and what steps he need to do in a bedtime routine. He got all the answers right and at least I know the theory is right. So I got all the animals to do these: Step 1: drink milk Step 2: drink water Step 3: brush teeth with toothpaste n no youtube Step 4: sleep  Then , I said he's the last one and he should set a good example as a teacher.  He looked very serious. He went to ask ...

Ah Pa and Ah Ma have been very busy with work of late and are not able to spend much Time with Cayen in the evenings. Today , this episode happened. Cayen was hitting the stacking eggs against the glass table when ah Pa came home, so Ah Pa scolded him loudly. Then Ah Pa spoke to him abt 1 min later. Cayen simply looked down without answering.  Ah Pa : Did u hear ah Pa talking to u (and Ah Pa moved next to him) Then ah Pa saw that Cayen had 3 eggs between his legs ... Cayen : 1 ah Pa egg, 1 ah Ma egg n 1 ah Yen egg.. Then came the killer sentence.. Cayen : "我等你回家好久、你為什麼生我的氣" (I have waited so long for you to come home, why are you angry with me?) 、all while staring at the eggs.  Guilt ridden to the maximum, Ah Pa brought Cayen to Macdonalds for a treat.  Ah Ma could only feel sheer guilt while reading the message from office as she's still there trying to close up her work.   And When Ah Ma finally rushed home, Cayen said...

Ah Pa noticed something about Cayen's goodbye routine, he always stops for two special persons.  So here's how his daily routine goes everyday:  - finish eating  - take his bag - goes to every table to say bye bye  - stops in front of 2 girls to say bye bye  - occasionally the girls will see him to the door thereafter  So one day last week, ah Pa decided to ask him some questions ; Ah Pa: is your Jiajun (boy) your friend ?  Cayen: no  Ah Pa: is Emily your friend ?  Cayen: *smiles bashfully* (covering mouth)  Ah Pa: is Rachel your friend ?  Cayen: *smiles bashfully* (covering mouth)  Our conclusion : he likes the girls more.  Today , yet another (different) girl saw him off. In fact, she took his bag for him and saw him to the door before handing over.  Emily also pointed out to her mom who Cayen's grandmother and father are.  Prima facie, it does look like he is quite a ladies' man and we may need to set some ear...

Cayen is a kid with a mind of his own. Hence, efforts to stop him by saying "No" usually end up futile.  So ever since a successful try at this alternative method, I have been using the questioning way to get him to be more obedient.  Setting: he's trying to snatch my iPhone. I pointed to his toy 1 and asked him , is this yours ? He said "no?" , I exclaimed "yes, it's Cayen!!" Pointed to toy 2, 3, 4 .. And asked him the same question to which he started to say "yes" after a while. And he was quite gleeful that so many things belong to him . Finally, I asked him if the iPhone is his, he said "mama!"  That's how he got the concept of what's his and what's mine. Using this method, I tried to tackle his problem of climbing dangerously on stools in the house.  Me: can you climb on a chair? (I point to chair) cayen : no? Me: can you climb on the stool? (I point to stool) Cayen: no? Me: can you climb onto the TV console?  C...

Cayen used to be fine with vegetables until two months ago. Whenever we feed him any vegetables, either on its own or camouflaged with meat and rice, he would skilfully fish out the small piece of vegetable out of his mouth. No amount of persuasion by Ah Po works so he got away with barely eating much vegetable unless it's completely mashed and unrecognisable.  When I lament about this, Ah Pa and Ah Po will say that he is simply taking after me , as I actually don't like veg too much.  A few days ago, I happened to be home when he's having dinner. Again he's up to his antics of pulling out vegetable from his mouth.  Though I really hated it, I made a grand act of devouring a piece of carrot . And then, I made a great exclamation about how vegetable tasted really good and he should eat it too.  He looked a bit tentative. He paused and considered for a few seconds ... Then he pulled a piece of vegetable from his bowl and ate it. I clapped and c...