all that big emotions

Despite the much improved behaviour in Cayen  this year versus last year , the last two months were less optimal compared to first four months at home. For example, in the first four months, we no longer have the morning struggles of the routine from eating breakfast to teeth brushing and less of the disobedience of instructions in generally.

Recently some of the bad habits have crept back in recent weeks and that got us quite baffled so I tried to understand what has changed in the last two months. And I have a sense of the potential reasons. So I interviewed Cayen . 

Me: why you don't listen to instructions nowadays ? Is something wrong ?

(Silence)

Me: is it because of Didi (Cayson)?

C: Yes, I feel jealous ?

Me: when do you feel jealous ?

C: when you 抱抱弟弟..（carry Cayson) 

Me: when else do you feel jealous?

C: when you give didi biscuits 

And so, the truth is out. The dysfunctional behaviour is his way of getting attention when he feels like we are focusing more on Didi nowadays. He probably feels it more now as his Ah Pa has been doing night duty for Didi since the helper left and I took over the sleeping routine for him . But he perhaps felt that Ah Pa has deserted him for Didi ( and he's very close to Ah Pa). 

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Today in the car, I was asking him about why he seldom asks questions in class. He told me he's shy. And when I ask him what is shy , he says it's like fear too. Then suddenly he says sometimes he's jealous too when we carry Didi. So I asked: 

Me: do you know why we have to carry Didi?

C: it's because Didi can't walk. 

Then he paused.

C:  but now Didi can walk. 

Me: yes but Didi is still not stable enough . 

C: then you can do this (he extended his arms to make a circle to show how we can form a barrier around Didi in case he falls)

Me: yes, but we still need to carry sometimes. Anyway , how does jealousy feel like?

(Silence)

Me: is it sweet, sour or bitter?

C: bitter 

Me: (whoa) what is bitter ? You've tasted anything bitter before?

C: erm .. coffee bean 

Me: correct . But wait, have you tasted coffee bean before?

C: no. But the book says. 

Me: oh .. haha 

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Learning : sometimes when kids act up , sometimes there's some underlying reasons, just that they don't know how to express themselves and we need to probe and provide some MCQ to help them identify the underlying reason. Shouting , screaming , threatening during the event itself doesn't help. What's key is to identify root cause and to work on it if we want the behaviour to go away. 

Now we have swapped the night duties and let's see if behaviour regularises.