Multiparenting Cayen & Cayson

The first month of this year had been transfixed with Cayen's move to new school. But on my birthday , we managed to have some We time in a very long time. Early in the morning, Cayen wished me happy birthday. When asked what present he would give me, he said '"Money!" Not bad I thought, very practical .., though it never really came of course.  The day was spent watching the move "the fifth wave", sussing out some maggi goreng which I really wanted to eat (since that Indian store near my workplace closed).  By night, we had this amazing dinner with Winnie and Tat where for a four course option, you can choose any four courses from the appetiser, mains and desserts section . So if you are really hungry, you can have 4 mains. How interesting!  And best of all, the food's impeccably prepared. I'm convinced that this is my favourite Italian restaurant as of now.  And of course great company made it even better as we left our kids home a...

Yesterday he slept at 10pm. Again I was hopeful the morning routine would be better. But once again, he had difficulty waking up and he was refusing to brush his teeth or pee again. Hence, despite his hysterical crying for 15 minutes,  I didn't relent. He was not to eat his favourite Kaya bread till he brushed his teeth.  Finally, I won the battle. He brushed His teeth and we could get on our way. When we reached school, English teacher said he was better nowadays but yesterday he regressed a little and went back to turning on all the taps in the toilet.  By day end, when we picked him up, he was happily playing with Ryan. Looks like he finally has some friends.  She mentioned that sometimes he may appear like he's not listening but would know how to answer when he's asked.  He loves story telling and has no problems with lessons. He just  needs lot of positive encouragement to do the right things so they will continue to do so as he can't be forced.  ...

Yesterday he came home, and proclaimed that he didn't nap in the afternoon and went to steal stickers.  I got a bit worried so I went to ask teacher who confirmed that he did nap and he was given stickers after the gym class.  Hmm, sometimes I really don't know when he's telling the truth and when he's spinning tales because he looks very convincing always. 

He missed his first party in school on Tuesday as he was running a low grade fever. Pity , for he loves parties and I had hoped that will help in his liking for the class. Yesterday, he was sent home after a few hours as the fever had resumed though he still had a big appetite for lunch and dinner and was still very energetic at home. Heard from the teacher that he was in a good mood and even did some writing together (though he's still not so chummy with the Chinese teacher). Also, he had some minor nosebleed after he sneezed. He must be quite heaty. We guessed he might be teething as the incisors have now emerged.  Yesterday, he slept at 10.10am. It should be a relatively good day today. Fingers crossed.  Random picture of water writing - no need to clean up 

He slept at 8pm on Sunday (as he didn't nap that day) so he woke up really refreshed on Monday morning, which I'm placing my bets that it's going to be a relatively better day until the teacher messaged again. "Hi parents, I would like to inform you that Cayen was bitten by Alexander. They were fighting over a toy coz it's pack up time and Cayen doesn't want to keep the toy. Alex tried to get the toy from him so Cayen scratched Alex and he responded with a bite. Sorry, it happened too fast. Already talked to both of them that they cannot hurt or bite their friends. They have to use words or get help from their teachers . " For some reason, I felt a little relieved. At least the one that got bitten is not his classmates or teachers. And I hope he also learned that violence begets violence , and doesn't solve problems at all. And that if he can also get hurt if he starts the fight first.  Wanted to counsel him at night but he started to run a fever by la...

Ok, I'm a hoarder. I don't like to throw away things in good condition no matter how infrequently I use them. This is because I truly believe they will come in handy one day. So I keep primary school and secondary school essays, clothes from 20 years ago (Cox I believe one day I will fit into them again) ,  ribbons, empty gift boxes & used wrapping paper (Cox I want to recycle them) and of course generally any gifts from anyone. Today, I had a breakthrough - I decided to sell a few of my bags as they were in very bad condition and I actually did. This is particularly tough as all these have sentimental value i.e. birthday gifts from Da or was bought during our honeymoon. However, given that the bags were very worn or in bad shape, I decided to sell them on Carousell , just in case someone else can find a better use for them.  I was surprised that within hours, all three bags were snapped up. Perhaps it was the nominal price that I quoted or perhaps they really...

To keep Cayen occupied during mealtimes, typically I will bring a bag of Lego and some books to entertain him before the food arrives or after the food is done.  This meal, he started with a bowl of mushroom soup and then some onion soup. Because the main course wouldn't come, we gave him some small pieces of fruits first which comprised of watermelon, dragonfruit and grapes. After gobbling up a few pieces of the sweet watermelon, he started to squash all the fruits. It all looked very gross . And finally after he's done, he picked up the plate and slurped the juice down his throat. So he was trying to "juice" all the fruits so he could drink it!  At this moment, I wondered if I should have stopped him when he's trying to squash all the fruits. After all, we all know it's bad table manners and we shouldn't play with food. But on the other hand, if I did, I would have inhibited his creative juices somewhat.  Well, think I will probably stop him next time si...

Fri morning, he had a nightmare so he was up screaming at 6am plus. Unfortunately, I had to go to office earlier so I couldn't do my usual routine. And he had cried loudly when he heard we left the house.  By end of day, we got a picture from school. It showed his classmates all staring at him because he refused to share his toys.  Apparently , Chinese teacher tried to counsel  him to no avail, so she had to ask them to move to another corner to play. At night, we came home to counsel him. We asked him why he did that, and wasn't he afraid to be surrounded by so many other kids?  Cayen replied, "我围着其他小朋友...不是其他小朋友围着我"  Anyway, not sure what came over him again since he was happily playing with everyone for the last few days .. Not sure if the lack of sufficient sleep affects his behaviour that day but lots of work still needed on his sharing skills..

Nowadays, he has been quite good in the morning , just that he still tends to have difficulty waking up some days like today, and he would keep lamenting ”我很累” while struggling to peel his eyes open. Thankfully for Kaya, most days he can be cajoled to complete the routine rather smoothly.  At end of school day, he has now resumed his bad habit at Mindchamps, which is to empty the boxes of toys, when he sees Ah Po arrive to pick him up. I don't know if he finds it funny or something but he would refuse to pick them up, until Ah Po helps him to do so. My solution is simply to leave him there, until he picks up all the toys. But it depends on whether Ah Po can execute.  Anyway, tonight as he was trying to talk to Siri. C: hello Siri, I like my classmates, they are so cute!"  Siri: I didn't quite get you. Do you want me to look it up?" C: Yes!  ( he looked at me and giggled , "Siri don't know what I'm saying)  Well, I think that's a manifestation that he...

On Tuesday, I heard that he had a new friend Ryan and that there's 2 parties (1 Alexandra and 1 Ryan) in class where there was a cake and he helped to crack the eggs. So I thought it sounded quite good that he's making friends though it's strange why there are two parties in 1 day , presumably one in the morning and one at night. And he still reiterates that Pat's school doesn't have school/work, every day just play play .. Which got me a little curious about the curriculum.  So on Wednesday , I decided to ask Ms Irish on his behaviour and if there's indeed two parties.  So here's what I gathered. ---- Teacher: Hi Mummy, the good news is he has not been playing in the toilet or with water anymore. Everytime he comes out from the toilet, he would say he didn't play and it's true. He has been napping well also. He doesn't play or stand and walk around during nap time. We still have to tell him from time to time not to mix the toys and share with hi...

Today I dropped him off and asked teachers if he behaved last Friday. Seems like there was no major incident except that teachers have noticed his propensity to lie about some things. For instance, the Chinese teacher saw him flick some vegetables onto the floor but when quizzed , he said he had eaten it all up. I shared with the teacher that recently he's making up song lyrics a lot and he was able to come up with his own stories .. So perhaps the lies came with the whole package Cox to him, it's all make belief. But still we will try to do something about it.  As I was speaking to teacher, I noted that he was playing peek a boo with one of his friends - a lot more like his old self. And apparently he has made one more friend last week.  By end of day, teacher shared that he did a show-and-tell of our family tree (1st homework of the year) though he didn't want to say the actual name, he just referred to us as Ah Pa , Ah Ma etc. and he went to the toilet himse...

Today is the second day in a row that Cayen is quite obedient, so much so that all of us are not quite used to it. But we figured it's better not to talk too much about it in case we jinxed it. Anyway, since we are going for a three hour wedding lunch, I brought a sticker book to entertain him the whole time. It also helps that MBS has a lot of recycling bins which he loves so from time to time, if I find rubbish, I will pass to him to go recycle and take a short break from his seat.  Today also marks the day he had his first Coke. After he had his first sip, he pulled Ah Pa to the counter and he ordered mimicking his father's previous order, "Uncle, I want Coke please. Little bit, no ice"  From the looks of it , the love affair with Coke has officially begun.  As usual, he cheekily called 大姨婆小姨婆，and only called 小姨婆 when he was promoted to say 大姨婆.  And when the emcee announced something to the effect of wishing the couple "有一个幸福的人生..” To whi...

Last Saturday night at around 11.52pm, I was awakened by a loud chopping sound from something that sounds like a low flying helicopter or perhaps some other plane. I drew the curtains and saw a flying object with a bright light flying towards our direction from Ang mo kio area and after a while, it flew from our side to Ang mo kio area again. I was quite concerned given that it was flying so low and it was hovering or seemed to be searching for something.i tried to take a video but it was a little too dark so it didn't come out clear.  I wandered if I should call the police or something but somehow decided against it.  The next morning, I woke up and the whole family heard it . In fact every one had awakened to investigate the source. Apparently the air con in the other room was actually shaking from the noise and proximity. My mum also saw the plane from her side of the window, flying very low.  Upon this , I decided to call the police and described what I s...

Yesterday , Cayen woke up and willingly brushed his teeth. After that, he asked for bread and kaya. Looks like he remembered the screaming spectacle yesterday and how he could only get his way if he brush his teeth first. Thereafter, we went to town to have some breakfast . Once again, he was very cooperative - he played with Lego and ate the eggs and sausages without making any fuss.  Thereafter, I went for yoga and I heard he walked all the way to Orchard Tanglin (from Scotts Square) without a fuss or wanting to be carried. It then struck me that his stamina and willingness to walk has increased a great deal in the last two weeks.  Thereafter, we went over to Praelum for a wine tasting of South African vs Italian wines - a most interesting experience. Serious drinkers try their best to identify which is which, and which they think paired better with the food served.  We headed home thereafter and again, Cayen was very obedient and cooperative so we let ...

Cayen's present to me in the morning ... A major tantrum as he didn't want to brush his teeth. But I was not about to let my 9-day routine fall apart. So I refused to let him eat his bread until he brushed his teeth. Eventually I won but only after 10minutes of screaming and crying. The whole day went without alerts from teachers. Ah Po asked him whether he likes the school or not. Cayen said, "这个学校不好，没有读书，没有饭吃、只有玩，但是又没有什么玩具.. Mindchamps 很多玩具，又有饭吃..”  I know he's eating a lot in school so I think that part is not true but the toys there look indeed less. Perhaps the academic focus is not so intense as Mindchamps too. That part could be true but I think the most important for him now is character building so that's all that matters now. 

The update today is like the US market major sell off yesterday or the oil price ... It just keeps getting worse.  Today , he did the unthinkable - he scratched the teacher after she told him not to hit his classmate! It was a real deep scratch.  "Hi parents, I am on half day leave today  so Zhao Laoshi and another teacher was looking after the class this afternoon. Zhao Laoshi informed me that Cayen hit Cayden again so she went to talk to him in a good way but he scratched Laoshi. 😣  This morning he seemed behaving well and we praised him everytime he displayed good behaviour but I guess it will really take more time for him to regulate his emotions and actions. 😁" We are really thankful that the teachers are going all out to help him improve but it just seems to get worse. This is despite me giving him some snacks to bring to school to share with his friends today. I'm reading up on what to do to curb this aggressive behaviour. Apparently it could be due to stres...

In the morning, I tried to make small talk with his classmate Janelle. Me: hey Cayen, come say Hello to Janelle, your only friend ... Janelle: he always push me .. Me: ( dumbstruck )  Janelle then proceeded to take some titbits and offered Cayen. Cayen gladly took it . My conclusion: Janelle is a really good girl ! Cayen, you better buck up... Before you lose your only "friend". Anyway, it gave me some ideas. Maybe I will let him bring some snacks to school to share. Hopefully that can help break the ice and help him build some goodwill.  ----  After school ...  Ah Po: 你喜欢这里吗？ C: 不喜欢.mindchamps 比较好. Ah Po: 为什么？ C：Mindchamps 有坏人、这里没有..只有好人. Ah Po: 你一个坏人就够了..不如你做好人咯？ C：不好，做坏人才好..

Updates from teachers nowadays is a bit like the stock market now, volatile and not for the faint hearted. Sometimes, I feel all these short tales are like novel material . As I was in a meeting .. This alert came in: "Hi Mummy, today Cayen still misbehaved. He likes to open the taps in the toilet and let the water overflow. So I moved him out from the class and talked to him firmly. I told him if he does that again, then he won't be able to join her friends. He will be  staying in the office.  Next time he went, he was fast and didn't stay long. I was secretly watching him. He returned to class and told me that he didn't play with water. We both praised him and I gave him a stamp for doing that. So we will try to have consequences in his misbehaviour and see if it will work out. Will try to be more firm with him and follow through what we say so he knows we are serious and mean what we say. This might help to encourage good behaviour. Will keep you updated....

I thought this week might be better as I didn't get any news or call in the day but little did I know it's because teachers have updated them directly upon pick up.  Misdeeds of the day  - threw toys into the dustbins (hence, teachers couldn't find their teaching kits)  - he had asked for a second serving of bread today so he stood up and left his seat to get more. A classmate didn't realise he was sitting there so went to take the seat. Cayen was upset and tried to pull the chair away - the classmate almost fell.  - teachers again commented that while he was clever, he would always push the limits. And he cannot be trusted to go to toilet himself as he would use too much soap , throw the paper napkins into the toilet bowl or sink , or play with water.  Little bit of sunshine: - his appetite is increased significantly in the last week (objective of burning energy seemed to work) - he now likes to cycle during outdoor time (he didn't like it last Monday and had s...

Didn't hear anything from English teacher in the day. No news is good news. But when I reached home, understand that Chinese teacher that he has pushed someone. Sigh.  Anyway, highlight of the day is during bedtime story. Ah Pa was reading new bedtime story to him .. It was about a mother who carried, rocked and sang to his baby every day even until she's old. I'll love you forever,  I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.                      - love you forever (by Robert Munsch)  Finally, the mother became too old and frail one day and the son had to the one to carry her. Then, the son also started the tradition of carrying his daughter and singing that song.  Suddenly he asked.  C: 阿爸，你会爱我多久？ Ah Pa: 很久啦. 但是阿爸有一天也会老，跟阿公阿婆一样，爷爷奶奶一样。 Long pause ... And tears started to well up and his eyes turned red. He looked like he was about to cry big time.  C: 阿爸会死啊？ Ah Pa: (a bit shocke...

Today, he didn't want to go into school and was apprehensive about entering the classroom.. Thankfully two girl classmates are tracing letters and he liked that so teacher gave him something to trace too. He didn't really want me to leave but I managed to leave after seeing him do a few tracing.  Post Mortem at end of day was rather good ... He participated in all the activities and even hi-five with one girl. He thoroughly enjoyed the Gym class, the sand play and even gate crashed a bubble play by another class.  Teachers' review thus far .. "He is a fast learner, quite fluent in both english and chinese language. He is just very strong willed and likes to do things his way. He likes to do the exact opposites of what is asked from him. This is also the feedback of other teachers who are taking him for enrichment classes in the afternoon. He is clever but would always test his limits." Reason for good behaviour today  ?  Perhaps it's due to the behind the scen...